Itch
by AberrantScript
Summary: Leni wakes up with only one hour to get ready for an outing. Watch as her world falls apart into a million pieces all centering around a constant, tortuous, agonizing itch that won't go away no matter how hard she scratches it. A story about anxiety.


**Author's Notes:**

This is the first oneshot to be posted this weekend. I have two left before I continue working on that super secret special spectacular splendid update that many of my readers would go wild about if I'd quit taunting them with vague answers. :3

This story is about a very deep and troubling anxiety. If that makes you uncomfortable, then turn away now.

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2018)

* * *

Itch

Two eyes blinked open, squinting into the foggy distance. A surge of pressure settled on her chest, and her mind swam with dreary action. Leni Loud laid stiffly on her side; no feeling in her body, except for her pumping heart.

With effort, she twitched her fingers. Warmth began to glow, like little embers burning in her palms. She wiggled her toes, and a surge of heat shot down her legs.

She moaned as she closed her eyes once again, but then a full ache formed in her side, in her back. She squinted her eyes and fought it off, but it's unbearable.

She lifted an arm, and it popped as she pulled her hand out of the cover.

She didn't move in her sleep. Her whole body was stiff as a board, and tingling from the surge of blood filling her up with life.

Leni looked toward her alarm clock, and her heart seized as she noticed the time. She only had an hour to get ready for their little outing today. An hour wouldn't be long enough.

She closed her eyes and clenched her hands. She focused on her breathing. In and out. One breath. Two breaths.

Her hair itched her nose, and the urge was too great... she had to push it away.

But then it itched her cheek, so she pushed it again.

But now her nose and her cheek were still tingling, so she rubbed her skin with her thumb.

But the prickly pain was still there. So, she rubbed harder... but it wouldn't go away!

Feeling her heart pick up a beat, she turned to her thumbnail for support... and she scratched at her itch.

But it moved on her. And she followed it. Scratching her itch across her nose, along her temple, and up to her forehead.

But her hair somehow pulled taut as she was scratching, so she loosened it...

And now her scalp was itchy, too. She sighed, and with tremendous effort, she forced her hands at her side and took the agonizing pain.

It grated on her nerves.

The longer she didn't scratch the itch, the harsher her heart beat, the hotter she felt...

Suddenly, it went away, and Leni breathed in a sigh of relief.

She lifted the blanket over her bare legs, and frowned at how crinkled her nightgown was. She hurriedly pushed it down to her ankles, smoothing the edges.

There was a ridge on her left leg that was too different from the one on the right. Not in the right spot. Too large...

She stuck her tongue out as she began manipulating her gown to fix the fabric's imperfections.

She suddenly felt how wet her lip was, but only where her tongue touched it; the rest was too dry for her liking.

So, she licked her lips... but the left side had too much wetness, so she raked it with her teeth.

But now it was itching cause she scratched it...

And her legs were itching, too, from playing around with her jammies.

She sighed and did her best to put it from her mind.

Now her hair was itching, too!

Feeling a spike of anger, she swung her legs out from the blankets and toward the floor.

And her heart stopped as her feet came within an inch of the carpet...

She looked down with wide eyes, waiting...

Waiting...

Waiting...

Nothing...

There was nothing coming... nothing.

Nothing.

Just do it already...

Waiting...

She bit her lip and put her heels on the side board to her bed.

Her eyes scanned outward... a few feet away.

She looked across the whole area for any... anything that could get her...

Nothing.

She took a breath...

Her eyes were rushing with water...

She tensed her legs...

She leaped over to that spot, and hurriedly turned her eyes downward, behind her, toward the hidden lair beneath her bed...

Her heart had stopped the second she landed, and once she realized she was safe. her blood began pouring back into her veins.

But now she had to hurriedly look in front of her... and behind her again...

She wasn't wearing any socks. She'd never feel safe without them. Not unless she could keep them against her, in open sight, at all waking hours...

She darted her eyes across the ground toward her dresser...

She took a breath and ran for it.

She made it, but her feet were too close to the darkness beneath the furniture.

She ripped open the drawer and pushed it shut...!

She was holding a pair of mint green socks.

She jumped back as a chill ran up her spine...!

False alarm.

That was another itch on her ankle... not a spider coming to tear her leg off in one mighty tug with its killer jaws...

She turned around and ran to her bed, hopping onto the sheets. She sat down cross-legged, and unfolded her socks.

She looked at them, making sure she had the topside correct. And then, she slipped them both on.

The one on the right was twisted too far, so she took it back off and adjusted it before putting it back on.

But now, the one on the left was on too loose... so she had to tug on it a little to get it just perfect...

Her elbow brushed up against her side, and she bit her lip in frustration.

Now her side was beginning to itch, too.

She wiggled her toes, and admired the socks.

There was still something wrong about... something... but she couldn't figure out what it was.

The light was spilling through the curtains, and she had to look anywhere but at that brightness. It was too harsh on her sensitive pupils.

She stepped off her bed with ease, no longer worrying about-

Her hand touched her side and she looked around.

The curtain was parted, letting in bright light that she couldn't look at-

It would make her eyes-

Had she been here before?

She looked around again, and tapped her chin.

The doorway leading into the hallway was open, so she started for it. It creaked as she touched it, and she instantly froze up, her heart stopping.

She didn't know why, but she knew she had to be absolutely quiet...

Not a single person could know she was leaving her room...

No one...

Her wide, haunted eyes looked through the crack, out into the hallway...

No one...

She pressed her ear to the opening...

No one...

She took a breath and yanked the door open!

It didn't make any noise then.

She congratulated herself, in a breathless, silent voice only she could hear... inside her mind.

She tip-toed to the bathroom, her socks moving like shadows on the wind. She started to close the door, but she stopped. She looked into the hallway, just to be sure no one was watching. Her eyes remained looking until the handle rolled back.

A shiver ran down her spine.

She really hoped no one saw that...

She walked to the toilet, and picked the lid up. She bent down and looked under it.

No spiders...

She lowered it, making not a single sound.

She walked to the bath tub and pulled back the curtain; her heart trembling in fear; praying there wasn't a sibling behind there that would surely ask why she-

No siblings...

She turned to the medicine cabinet.

She went up to it.

Her hands twitched.

She sighed, and tried to turn away, but she couldn't.

She opened the cabinet and let her eyes roam three times over before they were satisfied.

No cameras...

Finally, she went back to the toilet and she pulled her gown up. She tugged her panties down to her ankles. She widened her feet apart to keep the garment off the ground...

She sat down and immediately began adjusting her gown. Making sure just the right amount settled behind her butt, and to the left and right sides...

She had to pee really bad, but she couldn't let go... not until the gown was fixed; not until she waited long enough to make sure no one else was awake; not until she was reasonably sure no one could hear her make any noise...

She released, and her body cringed and shivered, and she had to fight back against the urge to clench up and stop the flow...

Her body grew warm. She felt dizzy.

She'd already had to re-start twice, and if she couldn't relax it was going to be three times pretty soon...

She felt an itch on her shoulder, and her heart stopped...

 _Spider._

She could barely breathe as that itch crawled along her shoulder blade to her neck...

Her body was beginning to shake.

What could she do!?

She saw the roll of toilet paper, and barely moving her muscles... she unrolled a huge wad, making a fist.

She felt the itch finally leave her gown, traveling up her neck...

She slipped her hand around and-

 _Whack!_

She bit her lip to stifle the pain. Her shaky arm came back around and she looked at the wad of paper...

No spider.

She let out a sigh of relief, and then groaned in frustration.

The itch jumped down to her right foot.

Sigh...

She took the toilet paper and cleaned herself up. Several times. Until she began to feel raw... and then, she forced herself to stop.

She stood up and pulled her panties back up.

They were bunched up, so she had to adjust them.

She touched the handle to flush the commode, feeling a shiver run down her arm. She hurried to the sink, turned the water on with her clean hand, and began scrubbing them.

Using soap, she lathered them up, rubbing her hands harshly along her each other... she rinsed it off.

She wasn't clean...

So she lathered a second time, and used her fingernails to scrub the antibacterial soap deeper into her body.

She rinsed.

She held her hands up and looked down at them.

Bright pink lines raked up to her wrists.

Her hands were shaking like a leaf.

With luck, she could pass it off as a nervous twitch.

She turned around and headed to the door, but stopped halfway. Her panties were bunched again. So, she adjusted them.

And now, she had an itch on her butt.

Sigh...

She touched the door knob and turned it, she held her breath to keep herself from gasping in surprise...

She opened the door and peeked outside...

Nothing...

She tried to take a step out, but froze. She was feeling dizzy from holding her breath...

The stairs weren't that far away though. She had to reach them. She had to get there without breathing, without a single noise...

She couldn't let any of her siblings know...

Her cheeks were growing warm as her mind began to dull.

She pushed out and moved as quickly as she could.

Her mind was rushing in screaming agony as she treaded the carpet like beads of sand falling down a hill.

She reached the landing, and grabbed the banister to keep herself from falling. She put all of her strength into her arm, and didn't care as her legs violently shook beneath her body.

She only needed a few seconds...

She'd be safe soon...

She opened up her lungs and let in only a tiny bit of air. Her body screamed for more, but she wouldn't let it come. Only tiny, silent puffs drifted in and out, so lazy and meager it was the bear requirement that kept her from getting any worse; and never getting any better...

She moved down the stairs as quietly and efficiently as she could.

She let her eyes dart around the living room, not staying in one spot for more than a half second.

She couldn't let them know she was watching...

She reached the bottom, and her body shivered.

She turned her eyes to the left, begging that no one would be there...

The dining room was empty...

Finally, she let herself make noise.

She let herself breathe in enough oxygen that the hazy darkness scratching at her eyes began to go away.

But the screaming in her mind remained... because she still wasn't in the kitchen yet...

She moved along the walls, to the doorway between dining and kitchen.

She looked inside, and her world shattered.

Dad was there...

He was standing by the coffee pot, pouring water into the machine.

She took a breath.

Another one...

Another...

She clenched her fists so tightly she popped her knuckles...

She tilted her head to the ground and started forward.

She moved in a straight line to the door; she didn't need to see. She already knew how many steps it took to reach it.

Inside her mind, there was an explosion of chaos as a million different Lenis set in their corners, under their desks, in the dark crevices of her psyche... and they all begged in silent whimpers...

 _Don't notice me..._

She couldn't see the fridge, but she knew she was there.

She reached her hand out, forward, upward.

But she missed the handle by an inch.

Her body grew warm as she gnashed her teeth.

That was unacceptable...

She couldn't twist her body to the side.

So, she had to slide her feet across instead.

Her rhythm was broken.

She was shaking worse...

She clenched her left hand tighter, drawing all of her nervous twitching to that single outlet.

Her right hand trembled as it grabbed the fridge handle; latching onto the door with a desperate need for strength.

She opened it, and the rush of cool air was a balm against her burning skin. She looked inside and saw the milk.

She grabbed it, and pulled it out.

She shut the door, and turned to the cabinet. She stepped over to it, silently, her eyes beginning to mist over...

 _Please don't turn around. Please don't hear me..._

She had to lean forward, pressing her stomach into the countertop; making her butt more prominent. She hated herself for it; becoming a temptation; she begged he wouldn't see her then. That no one would see her.

 _Please don't stare at my butt..._

Her mind shivered at how disgusting her own fears were.

She opened the cabinet and reached her hand in, but froze halfway there.

Her cereal was gone.

Her fingers clutched at the air like grabbing a distant memory.

Her eyes grew warmer and wetter.

It was gone...

It was all gone.

Her stomach growled at that moment, and she took her left hand, balled in nervousness, and pressed her nails into her belly, through the gown...

She squeezed her flesh so tight she nearly let out a scream...

But she held it in.

Her desire to eat was gone.

Replaced with anger, and hurt, and a deep sadness.

 _They don't care about me..._

Her cheek felt wet, and she trembled in horror.

She couldn't let anyone see her like that!

She closed the cabinet, and picked up her milk.

She started for the fridge, but froze when she heard something that chilled her to the bone...

"Mornin, honey. How did you sleep?"

Her father was talking to her.

He was behind her.

He could see her legs, her butt, her back...

With sheer force of will, she managed not to cringe in revulsion.

"G'morning," she replied lowly, faintly, a bare whisper. "Fine."

She moved over to the fridge. She had stopped when he talked, and couldn't move until she answered him.

She reached out for the handle-

"Did you have any dreams?"

She froze again. Shackled in time and space.

Her mind raced in agony. She immediately thought of Lori.

She had dreamed of Lori.

Lori was coming to her, on her bed, in nothing... no clothes.

Just Lori.

Vulnerable and real and everything she wanted.

"Y-yes. It... I don't remember all of it."

No, she didn't... because she shouldn't remember how her sister's body looked in her darkest fantasies...

She opened the fridge and set the milk inside.

"Ain't you gonna eat, Leni?"

Her body was growing warmer than ever. She couldn't look weak...

"I-I'm not hungry... I'll eat later."

That's passable, right?

She turned around and made absolutely sure only her left side faced him as she walked toward the dining room. Not giving him the opportunity to see anything on her body worth seeing... Not tempting him to become a filthy stain of darkness... Protecting him from becoming like her...

She hurried to the stairs. She climbed up them.

Her mind swam.

She held the banister tightly.

She couldn't remember reaching the top.

She didn't remember closing her door.

She was on her bed, wondering what she was even doing...

As she held her pillow on her lap...

She let the tears come, but only for a little bit.

 _You're disgusting._

She held it to her nose and sucked in the warm cotton smell.

 _You're a freak._

She couldn't breathe...

She dropped it, and let herself have short, controlled breaths.

She laid herself down and pulled her gown up to her waist.

She placed her nails on her inner thighs, shivering at how sensitive she was there...

And raked them as hard as she could.

She bit her lip, stifling a scream.

It wasn't enough...

She got up and went to her dresser.

She pulled out a dress.

She turned to the door, and fretted over it. She had to stand beside the door, blocking it from opening with only her body...

She cringed as she slipped her gown over her head.

Her porcelain body came into view, and she had to look away.

It wasn't natural...

It wasn't right...

She threw her dress on.

She went to her vanity and checked herself over. She was passable.

She brushed her hair.

Exactly 50 times.

As soon as she stopped, there was an itch.

She scratched it.

She messed her hair up.

She brushed it again.

Exactly 50 times.

She looked away from the mirror.

She could feel the scratches on her scalp burning like fire.

There was an itch on her ankle, and she flashed in anger.

 _What is wrong with you!?_

She dug her nails into her skin, until her foot was beet red...

She kept her socks on. She put on shoes.

She went to her bed and set down.

Now was the moment she dreaded most of all.

Leaving.

Going to their outing.

With any luck...

Maybe she'd die before arriving.

And save herself the agony that was sure to come.

And still her body itched...


End file.
